30 Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship (For Women Who Have Had Enough.)
Many women throughout history have at one time or another have been in a relationship with an abusive man. Many have experienced tremendous emotional pain from these experiences, and have even covered up what was really going on behind closed doors. Abuse can happen in different ways: Psychological, Emotional, Mental, and Physical. No one form of abuse is worse than the other. They are all abuse. Domestic violence isn’t just confined to physical abuse. There are signs of emotional abuse that are common amongst abused women. Mental abuse signs are much the same but done in different ways.
Usually, it is after the fact that women realize just how serious the abuse was, and how detrimental it was to them psychologically. So the question is, what are the signs of an abusive relationship? How do you really know you’re in an abusive relationship? And how do you get out of an abusive relationship? The first step is identifying the signs, and admit it out loud, “I’m being abused”. Look at yourself in the mirror, and know that you are not alone if you think you are. Nor are you crazy.
30 unmistakable signs that you’re in an abusive relationship, whether emotionally, mentally or psychologically: Here are some emotional abuse signs, as well as mental abuse signs.
- It started out with him love bombing you. It was a lot of attention quickly. He excessively texted, called or wanted to see you, and he came on strong from the start. Now, he seems to try to push your buttons and say things that he knows will anger you, and this escalates into an argument where he blames you for being “too sensitive”, “over emotional”, “crazy”, etc.
- He plays mental games with you that seem almost as if he is trying to make you jealous of another woman. You’re not imagining this.
- He calls you filthy names, and treats you like a child. You are not imagining this.
- He begins to make you wonder if you are taking things the wrong way and overreacting. He loses his temper and you take the blame. If this is happening, you are already in an abusive relationship.
- He drinks, does drugs or pain killers, and his mood changes. He seems to be provoking you into arguments, when earlier that day everything seemed fine.
- He makes mean or belittling comments about your family when he knows it bothers you.
- He loses his temper, smashes things, slams doors, and this gives you anxiety and makes you feel constantly nervous.
- He comes home and you fear his mood when he slams the door.
- He begins telling you what to do, and how to do it, when you already know what you’re doing. He may insult the way you do regular day to day things, such as washing dishes, vacuuming, or driving. He makes you feel that you should do it his way, or you’ll suffer in one way or another.
- He punishes you by not having intimacy. He might even tell you you’re gaining weight, not pretty enough, or insult you if you do try to dress up. He may also withhold sex, in efforts to make you feel like you don’t deserve him, or are unworthy.
- He ridicules your religious or spiritual beliefs, and makes you feel as if your beliefs are crazy, abnormal, or socially unacceptable.
- He puts you in situations where you feel you need to defend yourself for something you honestly didn’t do. He makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Your voice modulation may even become lower or quieter, indicating depression.
- He makes you feel ugly, and unworthy. You may even begin to hate yourself, suffer serious depression, have physical aches and pains, anxiety, or panic attacks. He uses these things against you, as if you are “crazy”. He will remind you that any day now, he may end the relationship.
- He is jealous, over possessive, and uses the excuse that it’s because he “loves you” and can’t help himself. You’re constantly trying to make him calm down, and you feel afraid that he might blow up.
- You are constantly on edge, wondering if you did something wrong. He may give you extended silent treatments, ignore your calls when he is out late, or shut off his phone in efforts to make you wonder where he is. Usually, this is a ploy to see if you will react.
- He constantly interrupts you and enforces his own views or rules. If you violate his rules, or prefer to do it your way, there will be consequences.
- When he drinks too much, you fear another argument. Sometimes you even try to manipulate him out of a bad mood in hopes he will be nice to you.
- You sometimes have to manipulate him into thinking he is the smarter or more knowledgeable of the two of you, or you pretend you don’t know how to do something. You’re aware that this gives him a strong and manly feeling, knowing he has helped. This makes you feel as if he will now be sweet or nice to you. It was a ploy to obtain his acceptance.
- You do not trust that he isn’t cheating. Many times, abusive men are not cheating, but rather pulling maneuvers which are meant to make you insecure, so they have more control over you. You may begin obsessing or going through his things, or his phone.
- You may have lost or gained more weight than usual, due to depression, lack of motivation or sadness. You either don’t feel like eating, or you overeat when you feel lonely, beaten down or worthless.
- Going out with the girls doesn’t feel fun. You can’t truly feel happy or laugh at jokes. Nothing is funny anymore. You know you’re being abused deep down, but always feel ashamed that you can’t leave. You suspect others know you’re being abused. Some have even made you angry by giving you the look, and caused you to feel ashamed of yourself. You don’t want to show him attention in front of friends who suspect he’s abusive toward you. Showing him attention makes you wonder if others will perceive you as weak or stupid, knowing how he’s treated you.
- You feel addicted to him, as if you can’t survive without him. This may be the result of years of abuse, where you have unknowingly bonded to the person who has caused you intense pain, and then made you briefly feel wonderful. The pattern in the same, and you may feel he’s your greatest love, while at the same time, your worst enemy.
- He makes fun of your clothes, cooking, job, or anything else that you feel embarrassed about. He may embarrass you in public or in front of friends.
- He has hit you or beat you, or come very close, and blames you because you make him crazy, or you cause him to lose his temper. This is a ploy to cause you to blame or doubt yourself.
- He has physically abused you, your children, a pet, or others, and always has something else to blame for his violent behavior.
- He acts emotionless or ignores you, stifles you when you try to speak, and above all, you fear the consequences. You may have had nightmares, or wondered if it is possible that he could seriously hurt you or kill you.
- He has threatened to hurt or kill you, and makes you feel he “didn’t mean it”.
- You make excuses for him, including his childhood, his drinking, drugs, finances, his job, or some ailment that he has, as a reason for his temper or nasty behavior.
- He has somehow made you cut off association with your family or friends. It’s just “you and him against the world”. Sometimes, this makes you feel special, that he would even accept you, knowing he doesn’t like anyone.
- He is hateful, racist, or demeaning against others. He may have even been arrested in his past for violence toward others. He blamed the other party, claiming he was innocent, or pushed to the limit.
Christian Advice for Abusive Relationships
If you’re in an abusive relationship, chances are, you already know it. If you have told yourself enough is enough, it is time to stop thinking and get your strength back. Here is some Christian advice. God didn’t put you on this earth attached to a man’s hip. When you wake up in the morning, yours is the only face looking back at you in the mirror. You do not need him to survive, as there is always usually another means to survive without some evil person controlling your every emotion. Think you’ll miss him? You’re addicted, because he has become a habit. You are the one with enough smarts to break the habit and get out. Who says he controls you? Who says you have to live with rotten unhappiness, where a man thinks he can control your every move and your every emotion? Who says you’re anyone’s property, and since when did you decide through this man’s tricks that you aren’t worthy of a truly loving man?
Let me tell you, you’re one of millions of women who have been or are currently being abused. Stand up for yourself as a woman, and make the decision that it’s now or never. You’ll speak for all women who have been grossly abused by some man who thought he held the cards. You hold the cards, and you make your decisions for yourself.
No man on earth has any power over you above and beyond what you give him. In cases where you are weak, recall what the bible said:
Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved.”
Get out of an Abusive Relationship
Remember also that if you are feeling as though you’re in a life threatening or dangerous situation, it is your right to go to the police. This doesn’t mean you have to have a restraining order placed against him, or have him arrested. However, it gives the police information so they’re aware of the situation. It is not a last resort, but a right if you choose to discuss the issue with police.
If you have kids, do not use the excuse that you stay for the kids. It will be less detrimental for them psychologically to get away from the abuse. It will save them tremendous fear and anxiety in the long run if you separate from your abuser and seek spiritual or professional counseling if you need to. This will give you healthy balance and give the children a new respect for you, for protecting them from the abusive relationship. Counseling is also a good idea for young ones as well. Be honest with attorneys or judges if you are seeking divorce. Do not hide anything. Keep in mind you were not put on this earth for some man to scare you into tolerating his evil behavior, or living with it on a daily basis. YOU have the right to make the decision to eliminate abuse and find yourself and your own happiness again. It is time to get out of your abusive relationship.
Moving on After an Abusive Relationship
Do you remember a time you once enjoyed life? Do the best thing you could’ve ever done for yourself. Find who the Lord has made you to be. Do not expect you will be a wallowing mess eating ice cream on the couch. Life is too short to let a man steal from you what God gave you, which is the right to experience joy.
God cannot give you the things He has meant for you unless you are willing to believe that He knows exactly what He’s doing. Remove yourself from situations where evil surrounds you, and pray for the Lord to take you away from evil. Trust in Him, and know that He is with you every step of the way.
Lastly, remember this scripture, even if you must place it in your car, your phone, or your purse. You may have just realized the signs that you’re in an abusive relationship, but you can choose not to be. You can choose to get your life back, once and for all. You can do it with God’s help.
Isaiah 41:13 “For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”
May you always know that you’re not alone. Get out of the abusive relationship now, while there is still time to live your life. Put negativity, shame and pain where they belong… Out of your life. You can live again. Have faith.
- Where is God in My Life?
- Is God Listening to My Prayers?
- Christian Affliction
- Help with Prayer When You Don’t Know What to Pray For
Thoughts of Suicide: If you are thinking of harming yourself, call 911 for the time being, so you can seek proper medical attention. There is no shame in calling for help, ever!! If you need to make a call, please consider calling:
Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)