How to Get Disfellowshipped from Jehovah’s Witnesses
There are many things to get you kicked out, or disfellowshipped from Jehovah’s Witnesses. Here is a basic list of things. If you do them and aren’t sorry and express sincere remorse, you will be counseled in a back room and voted on judicially by men in the congregation. Your counselors will not be trained therapists, police officers or have legal experience. They will be elders who are appointed to decide whether you get to stay or go. Know any other offenses? Leave them below.
(Note: the following list is not recommending that you do these things dishonestly or commit any sins. It is to show the list of things that others have been disfellowshipped from Jehovah’s Witnesses for, and bring a bit of humor to the way the article is presented.)
- How to get disfellowshipped from Jehovah’s Witnesses quick and in a jiffy: Things that will get you booted out fast.
- Talk against Watchtower doctrinal teachings and prove them wrong using scriptures.
- Call the religion a cult to any other JW, who will then tell another JW, who will then tell another, and soon you’ll get a phone call to come in and get judged.
- Learn the history of JWs and tell another JW, who’ll then tell another, who’ll then tell another. This works quickly.
- Hang out with other former JWs and tell an elder’s wife how much fun you had.
- Accept that Jesus is God.
- Accept that Watchtower Society is not the sole channel between God and man.
- Attend a holiday party
- Celebrate any holiday
- Vote for the next upcoming President
- Salute the flag
- Collect Christmas plates, or any holiday related antiques or collectibles.
- Listen to, read or watch anything a former JW says regarding Watchtower JW history, and repeating it to other JWs.
- Get friendly with those who oppose JWs.
- Buy and eat demonic cereal (ex: Lucky Charms, Smurfs, etc), candy or baked goods.
- Buy Harry Potter and tell an elder’s wife.
- Watch R.C. Sproul on YouTube and take notes. Tell an elder about the new stuff you learned from Dr. Sproul and don’t be sorry.
- Take a blood transfusion for any reason.
- Commit a sin and don’t grovel to elders when caught. Only apologize to God, and tell them that apologizing to God is bible based.
- Listen to heavy rock music.
- Give a gift with holiday wrapping paper on it to an elder’s wife for fast action.
- Admit you found out that Jerusalem was destroyed in 586 BC instead of 607 BC.
- Take an evolution class in college.
- Wear tight pants
- Wear tight fitting workout clothes
- Attend a heavy metal concert
- Say you got arrested
- Say you smoked marijuana and liked it (not advised)
- Pretend to smoke a Cigarette
- Be found on Facebook or Social Media discussing anything that is against the JWs teachings.
- Celebrate New Years Eve by going to New York City.
- Put up Christmas lights on your window
- Read books that are denounced by Watchtower Society
- Support the United Nations
- Give to Catholic charities
- Work with any church to perform fundraisers.
- Attend a funeral in a non-JW church
- Attend a wedding in a non-JW church
- Eat the bread and drinking wine (if you do not profess to be anointed).
- Buy a Harley Davidson and take it out door to door. Wear a leather jacket with a cross on it.
- Wear a T-shirt that says “Jesus Saves”.
- Wear a T-shirt that says “Saved by grace”.
- Meet with a pastor or other outside clergy member and begin to learn from him.
- Warn the elders that you’re aware of multiple false prophesies. Ask how God could speak through false prophets. Don’t accept any answer.
Have more ways to get disfellowshipped? Share them below!